Betsy! The Bravest Warrior in the Land!!!!!

Or.... who you lookin' at????

Sooooo.....

We have a whole lotta turkeys in these here parts!!!!!

I counted up to 21 in front of my house on some afternoons.

They come to eat the crab apples.

Every fall they gather into large flocks and stuff their faces on the apples.

They accept me.....

I accept them.....

I think they're kinda cool.....

Who knows what the hell they think of me!!!!!

WELL.....

This year one of my older neighbors called me to warn me of some rogue birds.

She claimed four young males had become aggressive and had run towards her as if to attack her.

She retreated into her home.

Since I walk around our neighborhood with my parents, she wanted me to be aware of the potential danger, and to be on the lookout.

WELL.....

I thought to myself...

"Betsy, she must be a big scaredy cat, who would be afraid of these peaceful birds?????"

Then I got the condo monthly newsletter.

There was an article about the problem turkeys.

It turns out that the turkeys are becoming too used to humans.

Four of the young males, who have formed their own gang, are a little confused about just what humans are.

They think that we are part of their flock.

They are establishing themselves in the hierarchy of the pecking order and want to be above the humans who live here.

WELL.....

That didn't sound so bad.

I mean.....

I'm bigger than a stinkin' turkey!!!!!

Granted, I've had a nose job, but I still have a pretty impressive beak to assert myself in this here pecking order.

THEN....

One day when I was coming home from grocery shopping, I saw a police car parked in our cul de sac driveway.

Being the nosy concerned neighbor that I is, I asked 

just what the hell was going on what's up?????

The police officer informed me that she was on the lookout for the four renegade gobblers.

She wanted to "explain" to them where they fit in the order of the universe that is my condo development.

We had a nice conversation and she talked turkey with me, sharing some useful turkey intimidation tidbits. 

Carry an umbrella and open and close it at the turkeys.....

this should scare the @#$ stuffing out of them.

We both laughed and thought the whole thing was pretty funny.

I mean, how scary could a turkey be?????

THEN....

dum de dum dummmmmm.....(sound of warning music)

day before yesterday there were a  whole bunch of turkeys once again in front of my house, peacefully gorging themselves on the crab apples.

I noticed a group of four males that were off by themselves.

I though to myself....

"self....I wonder if those are the notorious four aggressive birds?"

then I thought....

"self.....let's see how the umbrella works!!!"

then I thought.....

"I mean, how scary can this be?????"

WELL.....

Let's just say that when more than one large bird fluffs up its feathers and starts walking towards you with its neck stretched forward.....

it's very intimidating!!!!

At this point I hadn't brought out my umbrella.

I was standing on the sidewalk in front of my condo.

I ran back inside and grabbed my mighty black smiter.

I came out and started opening and closing the umbrella like mad and barking like a dog as loud as I could.

Two of the males backed off, the other two had to think about it.

Then they slowly walked away, with me calling after them.....

"That's right, I da man!!!!! 

Don't you mess with this mudder!!!!!"

My heart was racing a million miles an hour.

Later when I was sitting in my family room, thinking about how scary they were, I realized how believable it is when an animal fluffs up it's fur or feathers.

In the heat of the moment, you really think that they've gotten bigger.

Next time I know I'll do better.

I want these buggers to understand that.....

I'm the head pecker in this flock!!!!

On that note,

Latah, Gatah